Rabbit Rambles

It's been... a minute. To say there's been a lot going on is an understatement. Today, I learned about myself that when things get heavy or stressful or overwhelming, one of the first things to go by the wayside is my writing. Which seems... not great. Considering it's my biggest creative outlet. But it's work. Not in the career kind of way (unless you're going that route) but creativity is work. I know a lot of creative types. I grew up around some weirdos and nerds and a couple of freaks and every single one of them is creative and every single one of them struggles, at some point or another, with their creativity because it is HARD. There are layers and so many decisions and judgement suppression systems to navigate. But. It's also worth it. Another realization I had today (courtesy of therapy - get your therapized, peeps. You are worth it, and it does help, and it is important.) was: Years ago, I would write basically any waking moment I had free. The ideas ...

Our arrival to the Galli estate was both a relief and filled me with dread. I realized that the outdoors now filled me with dread; every unknown sound was a threat and every shadow brought me a shaking, sweating sensation that would have put the hairs on my neck on alert if they ever managed to lay down. The lines of the estate were rounder than I’d seen with De Santis and Greco, but Galli was a younger family by noble standards, and their property showed its youth in various ways. As we arrived, we saw two dozen children of various ages running about the lawns, trailed by a team of minders and servants. The older ones made note of our arrival with a shrewdness I envied. Born to this world, they had every advantage I lacked with only Tiziano’s teaching. I saw Tiago watching the children longingly, but he made no move to join them. His injured arm was in a sling now and he shifted the cloth on his neck uncomfortably; it was humid today. A branch in the road of approach directed my...

Prevot didn’t share my bed again during our journey to Galli’s estate. We hadn’t spoken or engaged in any way, but held each other until dawn when she snuck away again. I understood and only missed her presence for the comfortable closeness I’d needed so much. Tiago’s arm had made some improvement from the ointment, but I gathered it was not as much as expected, and I could tell Prevot was preoccupied with it, despite the façade she presented otherwise. Two of our wagons broke wheels, which would have been exciting if not for our recent terrors. The fixes were relatively easy and we lost little time. When we were a day away, I sent Vana and another scout to herald our arrival. I wondered how we would be received, if at all – I expected the news of my identity would have traveled by now, too many people had been made aware and someone cunning could match my age and description. Inside my tent, Tiago, Prevot, and I sat at my little table. Tiago was practicing his letters and mathemat...

Realization that we were free of the swamp was slow in dawning. I felt the attitude of my companions change first, realized then that we were stopping, and finally understood why. Prevot was eyeing me critically, but I didn’t engage her, instead pondered our next actions as well as I could in my muddled, fatigued mind. “Don’t,” Prevot warned Vana as she started to stop her pack. “We’ll carry on a bit farther.” The relief of our survival didn’t lighten our steps any, but with mechanical motions we convinced our bodies to continue the journey. It was easier now to fall behind, however, and Prevot won the staggering race to a circular space that already held a stack of wood for fire, encircled by low stones. She lit it without hesitation and Ele unpacked some food for us. I swayed on numb feet but only dropped my pack so I could gather more firewood. We would have enough for tonight, but I didn’t want us too delayed replacing the pile in the morning. I kept my mind as engaged as I c...

In the last two days, two friends have spoken to me about this story. Thank you. Thank you. Seriously. We were slow. I could feel the tension in Prevot like the threat of rain and did my best to remember her hasty teachings from the day before, but as lost as I was in the forested areas of the mainland, I was infinitely more useless in this merciless hybrid of land and water. Only a few hours into our travel, I deeply believed I would never be comfortably dry again in my life. I could barely remember the hot, sunny days of my youth when all of the students would run to the ocean’s edge, shedding our clothing as we ran, and plunge into frigid waves only to emerge shivering and gleefully throw ourselves into the sand to bake like fresh an’andi . Tiago did an admirable job for his age, holding his silence and obeying all directions without hesitation. I could hear Ele’s low but steady stream of curses behind us and Vana’s patient encouragement. Captain Dumas, too, kept her peace, but I ...

With the knowledge that the rest of our crew expected to meet us in a town we could not yet reach, I was anxious. They would wait, but for how long before disbursing? What would happen with my belongings? I wouldn’t begrudge their sale, everyone must survive, but I didn’t relish the idea of recruiting nobility to my cause while dressed in clothes a drowned rat would turn his nose to. Prevot, Emeline, explained her plan while she turned the hare she’d caught on a spit above the fire. She had our unblinking attention. “Deeper into the bog. With all the rain, it can be dangerous, but what are a few leeches between friends? We simply have to check ourselves and each other. Snakes are another problem, but this isn’t the hatching season. And of course the untu’ik trees, but,” she hesitated. “we’ll avoid those where we can.” “You don’t sound particularly confident,” Dumas said, frowning. “I’ve never traveled with this many untrained feet,” she explained. “You don’t know what’s safe t...

Captain Dumas was not thrilled about my explanation, but agreed to let Prevot, Emeline, guide us south toward the swampland. Only a mile downstream and the ground underfoot was changing. Prevot, Emeline, was following some path that was muddy but passable and I was particularly grateful that we didn’t have horses. I kept Tiago before me so I could catch him. He was surefooted enough, but exhausted beyond measure. The movement kept us from freezing, but it was still hours under a dark and darkening sky before Emeline pulled aside vegetation from a cleverly disguised cave opening and we tromped in. To be inside was a relief. My body still felt the thrum and buzz of the thousands of rain drops it had endured. The hollowed hill was low and narrowed considerably but Prevot insisted we continue on through a winding fissure, nearly invisible in the dark.   I worried about getting trapped underground, but a narrow passage widened into a large space with wooden slats for a floor and crate...