Compliments (TW: pain)

I used to think it was something of which I should be proud: high pain tolerance. “You have such high pain tolerance!” “That doesn’t hurt? WOW!” People were impressed, and I liked feeling impressive. I leaned into it. I let people give me Indian burns at recess for a quarter on the promise that I wouldn’t even flinch, no matter how strong they thought they were.

But the thing is, it does hurt. It always hurts. You just have a higher tolerance. Without fail, those other people that I bring it up with have some story, usually several, or a lifetime of stories in which they were forced to deal with their pain for some reason or another. They had to learn to live with it.

With pain.

Literally the thing our bodies are designed to avoid, are trying at every opportunity to avoid (with notable exceptions, call down masochists, I love you). Chronic pain is something that you have to learn to live with. There are things that help, but nothing eliminates some pains.

Some pains are just there.

When I started with my singing group, my darling friends would sweetly ask about my feet, how I was doing with all the walking and standing. Horrified, I had to quickly explain that we don’t talk about my feet because then it sinks in, and I have to go sit down forever. Oh, but that doesn’t actually help, by the way, because my feet still hurt, but the pressure is removed. So it’s lesser, but always there. And sitting too much makes my hips and back and shoulders and neck act up so sometimes walking is preferable. My podiatrist at the time suggested a thousand different vitamins to repair some of the damage and explained the importance of stretching. I’ve kind of stuck with the stretching to a degree, but I gave up on the vitamins a while ago. I figure I’ll just deal with it.

It’s just pain.

How many of you are nodding along? Shrugging ruefully?

How many of you are rolling your eyes because it probably just isn’t as bad as we’re making it out to be? Mm-hm. It’s okay, we’re used to it.

This isn’t for pity or a call to arms (everyone meet in six weeks after we rest up and it can’t be too far for anyone because travel is hard some days, and it could get called off last-minute because if I just wake up with a bad pain day all I can do is huddle under my heating or weighted blanket or both or… mm-hm). 

I guess I’ve seen people learning about correct compliments to pay to people – always compliment something they have a decision in like hair or makeup or nail color or shoes, but never something they can’t change like teeth, or butts, or breasts. Or pain tolerance. Uh-huh. See what I did there?

Do you have any idea how useful those charts are that break down the 0 - 10 numbering system that doctors use to measure your pain level? Holy crap, they're so good. Seriously, look them up because they're so useful. I can be at a seven or eight and literally hide it from people if I want to. 

I have to say 'want' to because really, what situation calls for me needing to hide my pain these days? Yikes. Run away from that. Oh yeah, I can't run either because when I push off, my ankles dislocate oops. Laugh or cry kiddies. You find real quick that there's a lot of laughter in the chronic pain group because it is exhausting to cry that much and people get really uncomfortable around you and at least with laughter you might manage to trick your brain to forget for a second.

It's all a game.

Do you feel like you're winning?

Tired of hearing about it, yet? Yeah, me, too. But my brain talks about it ALL THE TIME. Find some new topic, damn!

Let's go cuddle up on the couch and put on a movie and pass out halfway through. -gentle high five-

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

C is cookie...

We judge ourselves really harshly. I'd be genuinely curious to know who doesn't believe this of themselves - I've been actively working on showing myself grace for the last few years, and it's helped me be compassionate toward others, but it makes me realize just how cruel I've been inside my own head. I already posted before about calling something 'Boris', and I try to continue ascribing to that mentality. Something is more than nothing. You can't edit a blank page. Perfection is the enemy of good enough. Assume everyone you meet is doing their best, and everyon's best looks different. It's hard. I'm impressed when I meet people who exhude calm and patience and generally seem to not let things bother them. I know that sometimes, that's come from hard, hard work. It's a skill like any other - some people can do carpentry, some can fix machines, some can stay calm in traffic. I've gone through some of the older scenes I've wri...
Read more

Poetry is a magnet away

I've almost always had magnetic poetry in my home. Not in my apartment, but growing up, and now in my own house, but I rarely mess with it. I get the rare bout of inspiration when I see a word here or there, or see someone else has created something, and I want to participate. I made this one last night, and I'm proud of it enough to share: Mask glory too poison and dread for grave panic Do away with every forbidden blaze seen as torment to the smiling prisoner; Seiged in a broken crypt – free and forlorn – fearing laugh's rotten conflict Honestly, the limitation of pulling from provided words seems to help me create these. Maybe I'll find myself with more inspiration in hand and a magnetic board as my medium.
Read more

All of the previous five...

... starting letters of my posts together spell 'llama'. It's the little things. I could have gone to bed, I'll have you know. 100% an option for me, but I'd asked for my computer to be woken up, so it seemed the least I could do to write another of these micro fictions. I also wanted to share a bit of the process of creation for magic systems. I have zero plan. I generally like to have consequences for magic use, and I always consider the punishment system that would need to be in place to keep magic users contained, how effective they might be, etc. Beyond that, wherever the spark blooms, my friends. For example: speaking with a couple of friends the other day and my buddy Ken tells me he's had an idea for years of some kind of 'street magic' that would take you from one street to another with the same name. I pondered on that for a moment and he, Brittney, and I threw around some ideas. That would be super cool! Brittney took it to gravestones, I took...
Read more